This is Love Beside Me...

We made the appointment. 10.15 tomorrow morning.

I was always gunning for Wednesday if it had to be this week at all. But I've been watching her breathing, and feeling her heart beat double time. I fed her her pill this afternoon and noticed her usually dark pink gums were practically white. And at one stage almost looked yellow.

The vet had said last week she'd looked jaundiced. And it was a sign that there's something going on with her liver.

And I think to wolfieboy's relief, I finally agreed to tomorrow.

She was still trotting out to breakfast happily this morning. And when I let her out this afternoon for a pee, she spent some time sniffing the wind.

We haven't gone for a walk today though. The temperature has plummeted, and the wind is icy. We have spent the last two days cuddling in front of the fire.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. But my suspicion is that the drugs are keeping a band aid on the problem, making it appear that things are ok, when in fact, world war III is breaking out in there, under all that fur.

There's lumps and bumps everywhere. Her tummy feels not quite distended. But there's sharp protrusions or something similar. I just want her to enjoy life while she still can. And not have to have another decline before I change my mind.

If you had tried to tell me that yesterday I would have refused. In my mind, all I wanted was for her to stay. I wanted to respect her wishes to be normal, and give her every waking moment she could. I don't know what changed this afternoon. She's been sitting beside me or near me all day. Although there were a few times she went elsewhere.

Wolfieboy says that she doesn't look as happy as she did before. I can't really tell.

But either way, I made the call. It's 10.15 tomorrow.

10.15.

Oh, my precious, precious, girl....